What makes an IT contractor unsuitable for a job


Unsuitable for a Job

Following our story on How the government decides if there’s any skills shortages, I thought I would offer some helpful advice to agencies and employers on what makes an IT worker unsuitable for a job. According to the survey on the DEWR site, only about 17.5% of applicants who apply for any position are suitable for it.

With so many unsuitable people selfishly going around applying for jobs, it seems only fair that employers complain to the government about skills shortages.

Thus, IT immigration can be hiked up and “unsuitable” local candidates put in their place, i.e. unemployed or in an industry more in line with their skills such as food preparation.

The only danger is that the government may one day come around to ask why the other 82.5% of candidates were unsuitable. This is extremely unlikely, but you never know. So here’s a cheat-list of possible reasons to sticky-tape to your desk.

They were too old, or too young, or the wrong sex

Strictly speaking, giving this as a reason is illegal, but if you wink at the government inspector, he’ll know what you mean. Nobody wants an old fogey hanging around boring them with COBOL stories, and kids fresh out of uni are just dopes.

They were too ugly

We’re sick of having unattractive people around the place and were hoping for some eye-candy when filling this role.

They only knew how to program C++, VB, C, Perl, and PHP, we needed a Java person

It can take weeks for an experienced programmer to learn a new language. Do you think we have that sort of time? Besides everyone knows that every programming language is completely different. A C++ person knows no more about Java than the average person in the street.

They’ve only worked in insurance and we wanted someone with banking experience

Banking systems are completely different from insurance company systems. It’s a whole different universe. We were worried that their little heads may explode with the complexity of having to learn about a whole new industry.

They had the cheek to ask for more than we were willing to pay

Why should we pay anything more than peanuts? Asia’s full of people who’ll work for next to nothing All we have to do is get the government to rubber-stamp a work visa. Why on Earth would we ever pay our employees first-world wages?

There was some obscure part of the job that they had no experience in

We occasionally use the Bulgarian software application known as BorisNet. It’s not very complex, but we may need the person to operate it for an hour or so every year. While they had loads of experience in everything else we needed, no BorisNet experience is a deal-breaker I’m afraid.

They appeared to have too much self-respect

We’re looking for subservience and lots of it. UK workers are generally missing this key “people-skill” in our experience.

We’d have to train them

They were obviously experts in a large range of systems, but we’d have to send them on a two-week training course to learn our platform. Why should we fork out for something like “people investment”?

We want a person that’s been educated at someone else’s expense, preferably the Indian government’s.

They were only mortal, and we wanted a God

The list of skills we wanted for this job ran to over 400. The best we could find was someone with 15. Of course, there’s only 5 skills any person will actually need for the job, but why should we put up with something as sub-standard as a mere mortal?

These are some of the reasons why local UK candidates were ‘unsuitable’ for jobs. I’m sure that there are other reasons why they are unsuitable too.

Maybe they are unsuitable because they cost more?

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