Sex and the IT Contractor – Freelance Lothario

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Sex and the IT Contractor
Sex and the IT Contractor

IT Contractors and Sex

This article about IT Contractors and sex is by Paranoid Pete. He says he writes it from a male persepective.

Male Viewpoint

First of all, this article is written from a male viewpoint. I would like to have more insight into the female psyche. However, in the meantime, I apologise for any hidden sexism posted here.

Anyway, there was a catch-phrase from a Carry On movie or was it Eric Morecambe? – ‘There‘s a lot of it about’ followed by a cheeky wink or whatever. Well, in my experience as a contractor ‘There‘s not really a lot of it about’.

Certainly not from me, married with two kids, and even if there was, would I tell you?

The obvious reason for the lack of hanky-panky amongst the contracting fraternity (and sorority) is the imbalance between the genders.

When I started out in computing or Data Processing as it was then known, there were quite a lot of women – around a third – in any typical department. I would say that this figure has shrunk, quite a bit, to be honest. The causes of this discrepancy would easily form another article.

Famous Contracting Guru

Thinking about this topic made me think of another saying of the famous contracting guru ‘The Wise One‘ who would describe our status in the organisation as ‘There‘s the lowest of the low and beneath them are the contractors’.

Basically we come in at mostly the lower end of the pyramid. We’re the churners out of code, rather than at the more prestigious levels of management. Our profiles are very low.

On the other hand, as the unlikely success of Mr Eriksson shows, power does attract.

Moreover, liaisons tended to be formed once people knew each other for a long time. Contractors coming in for six months or so don’t really have the time to build these bonds.

Permies do.

The time can even be too short to even learn of illicit or licit relationships. I‘ve lost count of the number of times, I‘ve met an ex-colleague who told of some affair that went on unbeknown to me.

Freelance Lothario

I can only remember one freelancing Lothario who cut a bit of a swathe through the workplace. I found out that the writing was on the wall for him when they filmed he and his amour on security cameras in the company‘s multi-storey car park.

What also springs to mind is the look on a young Scottish chap‘s face when the office vamp described her all over tan to him. He had only been working with us for 3 days but he looked as if it is was his birthday, Christmas, Guy Fawkes and July 4th all rolled into one.

He was chewed up and spat out after a month and then, I think, he got fired – the poor lad.

Chancer of Chancery Lane

Perhaps you can sum up the trials and tribulations of contracting by an incident during my stint in a big legal office in Chancery Lane.

There was a bar in the basement which was popular after office hours.

The manager who was married, had a girlfriend in one of the departments who decided to make him jealous by draping herself over a DBA, a contractor.

He had the dilemma of his libido working overtime but the furious eyes of the manager in his direction, compounded by questions from the girl about his sexuality as he didn‘t seem too keen.

In Fact, he was actually sweating at one stage as she forced herself on him more and more. He decided to let his brain rule his loins, thought of his contract and escaped her clutches.

I swear he downed 3 pints in about 5 minutes to calm down. We were besides ourselves with mirth. Sometimes you just can‘t win!

So ends the tale of sex and the contractor.

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