Tim had an office affair and now seeks our advice.
I made the mistake of sleeping with this girl at work. A few people from the office stayed for a few drinks after work. We were the last two left.
We were both a bit drunk, and one thing led to another. I ended up staying the night at her place, which is just around the corner from where I work in Croydon.
Packing In My Girlfriend
I might have said something about packing in my girlfriend and going with this girl. This was the drink and the passion talking though. I quickly changed my mind in the morning.
Now she is being very off-hand at work and makes very snotty comments to me. The guys at work are starting to ask me of there‘s something going on. The problem is that my girlfriend also works there. I‘m terrified that she‘ll start suspecting something, or that this girl will tell her.
Should I grasp the nettle by the horns and tell my girlfriend myself?
Dr. McLaughlin’s Advice on Office Affair
For God‘s sake no, Tim.
Catch a grip of yourself.
Your girlfriend is going to go to work every day and see the girl that slept with her boyfriend. She‘s going to have to talk and work with her.
Do you think that once you tell her, that she‘ll maybe get upset in the beginning, and then award you high marks for being honest, and then everything will go back to normal?
Very Good Story
What you‘ve got to do is either get this girl to stop what she‘s doing, or get ready with a very good story for your girlfriend (and the guys) about why this girl is acting this way.
I would talk to this girl when you get a chance (and not when the two of you are the last ones in the pub again), and placate her somehow.
What you‘ve got to do is give her back her self-esteem again. Tell her that you meant what you said about liking her, but that you‘ve put too much into your current relationship to throw it away.
Tell her that liking two girls is a problem, and make a pact with her, that if ever you split with your current girlfriend that the two of you should go out.
Threatens to Expose You Over Office Affair
If she still threatens to expose you after your office affair, threaten her that you‘ll tell everyone at work what went on that night, and that you‘ll add a few bits too.
If she doesn‘t expose you, but keeps up the snotty comments, you‘ve got to have a story for that too. Make up some story about how you upset her with some work-related item, e.g. you were over-critical of her program at the walkthrough, or something else like that.
You could tell people that the night when the two of you were left alone together that you were ‘over honest‘ about her work performance and capability, and that you had an argument that caused her to flounce out, and that she‘s been a bit funny ever since. That should work. That‘s your each way bet.
Email from Laura
I work with this guy in Croydon, and one night we were the last two left drinking in a local pub just off the main road. Unfortunately, we both had too much to drink, and we went back to my place.
Nothing happened as he fell fast asleep as I was undressing, and not only that, he kept me awake with his snoring. He still had his socks on too.
I lied in the morning and said it was great. I wouldn‘t normally sleep with someone of his ‘quality‘, but I‘d had too much to drink.
Problem Now for Office Affair
The problem now is that he thinks that there is something in it. Every time he has talked to me since, it is with a big smirk on his face. I‘ve tried to be rude to him to push him away, but it doesn‘t seem to be working.
He even tried to make a pact with me the other day that he would go out with me if he ever broke up with his girlfriend.
Wow! I‘ll live very day in hope (not).
The thing is that he slept with another couple of girls in work too (don‘t get drunk in Croydon). His girlfriend is very nice, if a bit naive. Do you think I should tell her what a creep he is?
For God‘s sake no, Laura.
Catch a grip of yourself.
Think how this poor girl would feel coming in to work every day and seeing the gaggle of girls who had affairs with her boyfriend. Do you think that once you tell her, that she will be upset at first, and then thank you for your honesty, and everything will go on as normal after a brief hiatus?
Are you sure that his girlfriend is the naive one?
No, you are going to have to take him aside and tell him straight, that it was a mistake on your part, that you have no feelings for him, and that you have no intentions of ever having a relationship with him.
You need to be blunt with this type of guy.
It’s Tim Again
The girl I wrote to you about wants to talk to me in private. I think I know what‘s coming. It‘s not a good idea to go to a meeting room at work, so she asked me to stay till the end of the office drink up that‘s taking place tonight.
The trouble is Dr. McLaughlin, this was first the time that I‘ve ever cheated on my girlfriend.
Although I want to lay this one to rest, I‘m worried that, when I‘ve had too much to drink, and this girl tries to seduce me again, that I might weaken and give in to her again.
What do you suggest?
Office Affair – Dr. McLaughlin
What I would do is to agree to stay on after everyone else goes home, but I would add one twist. Tell your girlfriend to come over at a certain time, e.g. ten o‘clock to pick you up.
Even if she does try to seduce you, you‘ll know that your girlfriend is coming, and this will act as a great enough deterrent to you.
Dr. McLaughlin, you‘ve got to help me. I haven‘t been to work for two days now. I stayed on at the end of the office drink-up, to speak to Smirkie, but I didn‘t eat anything at all and I was drinking on an empty stomach.
You‘re never going to believe this, but I ended up sleeping at his place again. Not only that, but it seems Smirkie had told his girlfriend to come along and, inebriated with alcohol, and whatever else, he forgot all about it.
It seems that she pulled up in her car, just as we were leaving the bar to go back to my place, and she followed us home. We had just got into bed, when the door bell went.
I pulled a blanket over me and went to the door. I was astonished to see Smirkie‘s girlfriend there. She flew past me and into the bedroom, where Smirkie was lying. It‘s all a bit of a blur now, but one of the neighbours called the police.
It was awful.
Round the Neighbourhood
News of it is all round the neighbourhood now. What is worse is that one of the neighbours works with me, and he has told everyone in the office.
Smirkie‘s girlfriend hasn‘t been to work since either, I hear. I presume that Smirkie is full of himself now. Why, oh why, did I ever allow myself to be seduced, not once but twice, by such an imbecile?
What do I do now?
Dr. McLaughlin’s Advice on Office Affair
Well, first things first – you‘ve got to go back to work. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. The longer you leave it, the more that the one you call Smirkie will revel in his new found glory.
You‘ve got to think of a story though. I would say that you say that you did it deliberately.
Say that you wanted to tell his girlfriend what an asshole he was, but that you thought that if you told her, she would simply think that you were playing some game – so you decided to lure him into a trap.
Then say that Smirkie had told you, earlier in the evening that his girlfriend was coming along, and that is when you decided to spring the trap. Say that you allowed Smirkie to become amorous with you, and then left just before the time that you knew his girlfriend was coming.
Hung Around Outside
Say that you hung around long enough outside, in a clinch, till you saw his girlfriend‘s car approach, and then you got in your car with Smirkie.
Say that you let Smirkie take off his clothes and get into bed, whilst waiting for his girlfriend to arrive, and then when the doorbell rang, you knew it was her and you ran to the door and opened it.
You‘ll be a hero to the other girls at work, from what you‘ve told me previously. They probably have felt, in the past, that they would have liked to have told his girlfriend too what an asshole he was.
Office Affair – Sting Operation
You‘ve gone one better though – you‘ve caught him in a sting operation. Ask one of the girls at work to tell his girlfriend what you did and why you did it. The other girls at work will feel released now from their misgivings about telling her about Smirkie, and they will pour it all out to her about his misdeeds, and what they really think about him.
Although she will not be very pleased in the beginning, gradually she will come to accept what you did for her, and Smirkie‘s days will be numbered, especially as you didn‘t actually sleep with him – well you didn‘t did you?
Let me know how you get on.
You‘ll never believe this Dr. McLaughlin’¦..( editor:- well that‘s all we have time for this week on this problem).
Remember – An office affair can be harmful to your health.
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