Out of Work IT Contractor
A reader sent us this story about an out of work IT Contractor as feedback from one of our Stories.
I have been an out of work IT Contractor for a year. During that time I have not had a penny of income. Most of my money has now gone and I am peering into the unknown.
The worst thing about being unemployed is what it does to you. It‘s a gradual gnawing thing.
You lose your confidence, and your self-esteem starts leaving bit by bit.
It is hard to think well of yourself when you can‘t provide for your wife and children.
I hope that I don‘t lose them as well, but things are starting to get more than a little bit strained.
After all, what use is an out of work IT Contractor?
Wife and Kids
I don‘t know if anyone remembers the part in the film ‘It‘s a Wonderful Life’ often shown at Christmas, when James Stewart ‘loses it‘ and starts shouting at the children, before storming off into the night.
Well, I‘ve been there and done it several times.
I hate myself for doing it, but when I‘ve just had another blow from another company not wanting to see me or from failing another of the few and far between interviews, it‘s hard to take the children screaming and running wild about the house.
In Sickness and in Health
My wife has had a lot to put up with. I know she took the vows, ‘for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health’ but I don‘t think she had bargained for this.
Every little mistake that she makes is starting to annoy me. She threw out some chicken that she thought had been in the fridge for over a week the other day. I had just taken it out of the freezer and put it in the fridge that day.
That was to be our evening meal.
I couldn‘t prevent myself from giving her a bit of a mouthful.
Now she says I‘m taking it out on her and the children.
I know she‘s right but I can‘t help myself sometimes.
It is bringing me down being a contractor nobody wants.
Into the Unknown
If we really keep our spending to a minimum then we can last out for another 3 months.
After that, I don‘t know what the future holds. I don‘t know what happens to a family in the UK who runs completely out of money. I‘ve never been there before.
Now I‘ve started to wake up in the middle of the night screaming and in a cold sweat.
I‘ve been reading in ITContractor that the market is not too bad. I hope they are correct, because I‘m near the end of both my money and my tether.
I feel like a real loser and I‘m sure that comes across at the few interviews that I do get. The stuffing has been knocked out of me totally.
I even wonder whether I‘ll ever work again – and retirement age is still 30 years away.
Will I ever be an IT Contractor again?
Praying to God
I don‘t even believe in God and I‘ve started to pray to him. Isn‘t that ridiculous?
I tell him that if he‘ll just get me a job before my money runs out in three months and if he allows me to keep my family then he can take whatever else that he wants from me.
I know it‘s stupid, but desperation makes you do really strange things.
As you can imagine, last Christmas was no great shakes. We were not able to buy very much for the children. I told my wife that I would go without. She took me at my word.
The summer is as long as we can last out.
After that, I don‘t know what happens then.