1. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
2. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
3. There’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’. But then there’s no ‘I’ in ‘useless smug colleague’, either. And there’s four in ‘platitude-quoting idiot’. Go figure.
4. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can’t do.
5. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
6. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
If you’re gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes – make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
8. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn’t do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
9. The office is like an army, and I’m the field general. You’re my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!
10 Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario
11 Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man – more for leaning on than illumination.
12 A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?
13 Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?….
14 You don’t have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!
15 I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
16 Avoid employing unlucky people – throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.