Ways to get Fired
Here are ten ways to get fired from your contract position.
1. Produce work that constantly falls over in Systems Testing and in Production.
2. When the manager give his weekly or monthly talk to the department, make sarcastic comments to those nearest to you about everything he says.
The manager can’t hear you (or so you think).
Even if he can’t, someone will take great delight in telling him.
3. Under pressure, put an important change into Production untested (it’s only a small change).
During the production run your program falls over again – for exactly the same reason. There is no time for a back-up run.
Systems will be up late in the morning and your boss’s boss will be telling your boss to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. He knows the best way to ensure that.
4. Use lunchtimes (and some work time) to look at porn on the net.
The Internet is not very secure – especially to the Technical Support department, who are normally the biggest rumour- and gossip-mongers in the whole company.
Check Your Share Prices
5. Keep checking your share prices on the Internet or on the phone. Make sure that you don’t get away with it by telling the other workers, “I made 5 grand on the Stock Market today”.
6. At the Christmas Party, make a play for the boss’s wife, challenge him to a fight, or say that he is no good at his job.
He won’t get rid of you straight away. He’ll just wait for a decent enough time to elapse so that people won’t think he is sacking you for that reason.
7. Go behind your boss’s back to his boss. Slag your boss off for incompetence, giving examples.
The big chief now has to decide whether your boss goes or you – and you’re the hot favourite, especially if you’re a contractor.
The big chief won’t like someone who ‘does the dirty’ on bosses.
Make Derogatory Remarks About Permies
8. If you’re a contractor, refer to the full-time staff as ‘permies’ and make derogatory comments about their abilities.
They have better access to the boss than you have – who are also likely to be ‘permies’.
9. Have a go at one of the senior users on your project (the project sponsor is best) saying that he or she knows nothing about computers or IT, and would be better to leave it to those who do, like yourself and your colleagues.
It’s best to do it when the IT manager is around (just to facilitate the process).
10. Bring disks or CDs into work and don’t bother to virus check them. Eventually one of them will corrupt the whole business.
Better still if it’s a porn disk or CD. If the first nine ideas fail, then this is your banker.
Can you add to the ten ways to get fired from an IT department?
Read also The IT Contractors I Have Seen Sacked.