I am finally going to walk out on my unemployed partner. Here’s why.
My partner walked out of his job 3 months ago because the company didn’t provide him enough space and an orderly environment – book shelfs, the layout of the office etc.
He couldn’t cope with the journey. It was one and a half hour going to, and another one and a half hour coming back from work.
My out of work partner is till looking for a job.
No Mortgage Problems
He does not have a mortgage
He has got a very beautiful house with 3 large bedrooms house with big and beautiful back and front gardens.
Furthermore, he has got no dependents.
He has got savings – enough to survive 5 years.
Partner Feeling Sorry For Himself
He is very, very busy feeling sorry for himself and he has got a partner – ME.
I faced a very unfair redundancy as a software engineer. I managed to grieve at the same time as looking for options setting up a business for working from home. Something that does not need capital, travel, lots of attention. Something very odd, something I can leave at any time and pick up from where I left.
Well I have managed it.
It pays me more than I earned while I was working as a software engineer.
At the same time I am doing a home based Java course and doing market research to find a niche market for my partner and I to settle in as a limited company developing and selling software products we would develop together. Because I believe if you can’t be an employee you have to be an employer.
You have to be on either side of the business world.
Not knowing how is not an excuse. you have to try and see where you fit in.
I am getting somewhere.
In order to handle all of these I work for 10 hours a day, then I spend another 3 to 4 hours for the research and study.
With the rest of the time in a day I try to get some sleep, to socialise, to run the house, and most importantly, to keep my partner’s morale high so that he wouldn’t feel so low, isolated, abandoned etc.
What do I get in return?
Appreciation? Support? Cooperation?
Or being put down all the time by him and his parents etc.?
In case (as being the ‘bloody girlfriend’) I might be using him spending his savings etc, according to his mummy, or coming from a different background and religion I might be a danger in spite of the fact that I have my own house (of course with a mortgage on it), run my own business and became a British citizen well before I met him, etc. etc. etc.
True I don’t have savings at all!
Working From Home
Because I work from home I need to be able to work from home.
He makes sure I do not work, again, today, because I have been so busy I did not have enough time to explain to him what I was up to, being so busy, who I was talking to over the phone what were the results of search engine etc. etc.
Between the research and my home job I managed to talk to him for about half an hour and asked his help to start thinking about the software design etc.
Unemployed Partner Exploded
He has “exploded” that he has got a lot on his shoulder.
First he wants to finish the tasks he has started which are far more important then anything else and then he would think taking on more.
I asked him what was it that so important I failed to recognise.
His answer was watering the plants having a look at them, sorting out his garage and the important bits and pieces he collected over years, cleaning eating etc.
He said that I was asking him too much because he was feeling AWFUL – VERY, VERY SORRY FOR HIMSELF that he badly needed to do these things so that he could feel he has achieved something and that he then can concentrate on the things that I am talking about and that as I am doing telephone consultation over the phone I have am not sensitive to his needs because he feels very very low about himself… bla bla bla…
OK, I have just asked for quotation from a removal company over the internet and I am preparing myself to dump him.
I have failed to remember that he has been so priviliged to have a big house which has space to have a table ( 1.5m by 2m) just for his puzzles that stays there until he finishes his puzzle, another table 2 by 1.5m to leave his books and A3 size papers that lie there until he is done with them apart from another table for 8 people to eat at etc.
My unemployed partner has only himself to think about, never mind me.
Who am I to try to keep happy or to consider that I am working and I need a bit of support – peace so that I can concentrate and get on with my job and so that I can make enough money so that he wouldn’t have to dig into his savings, and most importantly I have failed to carry on being sensitive and sympathetic towards how LOW he feels about himself – God know for how long.
Deserves to be Dumped
If someone says “my partner left me because I lost my job” then he deserves to be dumped.
Because I am sure they must have spent their time – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – feeling very low about themselves and blaming their partner for failing to pay 24/7 attention.
Experience speaks louder than words!