Sleeping With Your Boss
A reader sent this after one of our articles about sleeping with your boss.
I could not disagree more strongly with these comments.
You have done nothing wrong!
You are single, at liberty to have a fling with whom you like.
He is married, he betrayed his partner in an indiscreet and career threatening way. Furthermore, he has neither the courage nor good sense to realise that this is his problem. He should see you (preferable outside of work) to sort this out like a grown up.
You (by the sound of it) are not a manager as such. So you don‘t have a responsibility to the senior management to keep confidential any information (so long as it was not obtained in the course of your work and day-to-day duties) that may be damaging to them.
Career Ending Mistake
Being drunk and in the throws of passion / post coital canoodling is no excuse. It will most definitely be seen as a career damaging / ending mistake on his part if brought to their attention.
He is also in the senior position, and implicit in his remit is the requirement to manage personal relationships with co-workers. he has to maintain an appropriate level of decorum.
Any relation ship with juniors (generally an extremely bad idea) needs carefully management.
Personal Advice for Dealing With Boss
My personal advice is Ignore him back. If he where any kind of a man he would have sorted this out, with an abject apology for this disgraceful behaviour.
If you feel that you are in any way at a disadvantage by his behaviour, this is what you must do.
Go straight to his senior and take a colleague with you or better still an external party: a union rep would be ideal. Note – they might do this even if you are not a member and will certainly advise you on this issue. Put the whole thing in writing, and insist that they deal with it.
Legal Duty to Declare Personal Relationships
IF YOU WANT to leave and he is your reference then he must legally declare any personal relationship and transfer it to his manager. This information should be confidential private information. He should hope that they are more professional and reliable than he is.
I guarantee that no-one in there right mind would, in this position, give anything but the most glowing reference.
Please don‘t feel sympathy for him he is weak and his behaviour was pathetic.
I cannot emphasise enough that if you feel disadvantaged in any way put it officially (see http://www.employment-solicitors.co.uk).
Breaking the Law
If you suffer in any way he is breaking the law.
It is his problem and he knows it.
Note: Blackmail is illegal and don‘t even think of trying it unless you are a genius of political manouvering and as hard nosed as they come.
That said, fair treatment in the work place is a legal right. It is your duty not to let yourself be forced out of a position for the sake of allowing a cheat and an incompetent to retain his standing.
There are too many bad managers out there as it is.
You cannot be at blame for sleeping with your boss. It is he who has the problem.
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